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May 14 happy mother's dayFor all that you have given me, I can return but love. For you Bound up the wounds I did not see And gave me hopes and passions new.
I can return but love for you,
Whose unmoved faith did my heart move?
The mother of my heart, not blood, May 12 think
Should you always say what you feel
Think, is the person you're telling going to be able to heal
Is what you're saying necessary for everyone else to know Just because you're thinking something, maybe you should just let it go Everyone else around you may not be as strong Some things need to be kept hidden and you should move along You don't know where that person has come from or where he's going to go What kind of day he's had, you just don't know Before you blurt out everything you feel Think, is the person listening going to be able to heal? May 10 difference
There is a part of me That feels I am different from everyone else. Something that I can't quite see, Something that I can't quite feel, Something so unreal. But this 'thing' is always there, This 'thing' with others, I will never share. So I push it to the back of my mind, All the thoughts of boys and clothes And make-up, it is hiding behind. Sometimes, when I have almost forgotten, It comes back with such ferocity, Angry and unforgiving. I feel so lost and sad, Whatever caused this feeling Must have been so horrible and bad. A lost memory or something else, I'll never know,Whatever it is, I know for sure, I can never let this feeling show. May 09 nothing girl
Maybe I wear baggies
and white socks with flip-flops,
maybe I don't like listening to rave
and I'm not on the social mountaintops,
maybe I don't care about the things
that make your worlds twirl,
maybe you look at me and think:
Gee, what a nothing girl.
Maybe I like giving smiles
which seems to be a sin today,
and maybe I allow my imagination
to sometimes run away,
maybe you don't understand this
and that's why you cannot see,
if this make me a nothing girl,
hey, that's ok with me!
The world makes you believe
your personality mustn't be detected,
your face must be picture perfect
and wear cloths just the best, to be accepted.
Maybe I look at you
and feel sorry that you're blind,
robots you have became,
yourself you'll never find.
God made you, as well as me,
this means I am something,
the world is a liar
and if I must be a nothing
for you to see it,
then so be it! nothing girl
Maybe I wear baggies
and white socks with flip-flops,
maybe I don't like listening to rave
and I'm not on the social mountaintops,
maybe I don't care about the things
that make your worlds twirl,
maybe you look at me and think:
Gee, what a nothing girl.
Maybe I like giving smiles
which seems to be a sin today,
and maybe I allow my imagination
to sometimes run away,
maybe you don't understand this
and that's why you cannot see,
if this make me a nothing girl,
hey, that's ok with me!
The world makes you believe
your personality mustn't be detected,
your face must be picture perfect
and wear cloths just the best, to be accepted.
Maybe I look at you
and feel sorry that you're blind,
robots you have became,
yourself you'll never find.
God made you, as well as me,
this means I am something,
the world is a liar
and if I must be a nothing
for you to see it,
then so be it! May 08 thank youThank you for your friendship and
your love. However life may turn, this gift will be A mountain that has made my river bend, Nor will it flow the same way to the sea. Knowing you is something I'm made of.
Years will not this part of me remove. May 07 alcoholism and drug addictionsThere is a joy that banishes all reason, An ecstasy so vast it has no shore, A craving that devours all decision, A lust for nothingness that lusts for more. There are angels in pursuit of pain Who take Satanic pride in degradation, Who'll drag you down the hill and back again Hosanna-ing your sweet humiliation. Just like a fire fanned by a hot, dry wind, Or like a flood that sweeps away all will, This wall of pleasure leaves no one behind, No sign of life where all one loves lies still. So does the soul in anguish hate the joy That soothes the hate that does the soul destroy. May 06 what a friend u are to meIt's been so good to have you as a friend: As sweet and rich as honey-colored sun Slanting steep across a summer lawn, Gilding life with all that love can lend. And now that you yourself have griefs to tend, I want to be the strong and caring one To count to you the lovely things you've done Until these troubles pass and sorrows end. You are so gentle in form and soul That you bring happiness to all you're near: Just as a sea rose, flowering in mist, Makes a paradise of some bleak shoal, Turning truth to something far more clear, No pain unsoothed or rain-swept cheek unkissed. friendshipFor most of us life passes like a dream,
Revealing only what is on our minds. Inside the prison of the self we see Each object as a shadow on our wall. Nothingness awaits, as sure as night. Did I not have you, dear friend, I might, Shadow on a shade, not be at all. How much we need a word beyond our sea: In love and laughter, thoughts of different kinds, Perhaps, with luck, unraveling a seam. this goes to all ma friends out dere expecially the CAL members. love y'all May 04 proverbs of the soul1. The sun sings.
2. The heart sings. 3. Although some say the word "soul" is obsolete, there is no substitute. 4. The soul is the foundation of nothingness upon which the person is built. 5. There is no dualism of body and soul. They are two views of one person. 6. In time the person dies, body and soul, except as a bell reverberates long after it is struck. 7. Outside of time, however, the soul is that part of a person that is eternal and unchanging, the same in every being that ever was and ever will be. 8. We experience the soul in the same way that we experience our thoughts and feelings. But unlike these other experiences, our experience of the soul is our window onto eternity, through which we see the essential truth, beauty, goodness, and oneness of all things. 9. Nothingness is the soul of Being. 10. That is why when we look for the soul we cannot find it. But when we eliminate all else, we find ourselves immersed in its sea. proverbs for loveOne can be unhappy by oneself, but to be truly tormented, one must love. Love is harder to accept than to
give. May 02 i used to doubt you cared for meI used to doubt you cared for me
When love was bright and blue. In my dreams, we ran like puppies through a field,But this I never knew.
We both said we were friends for life,
Not knowing what it meant, Not knowing how to go through hell And not somehow repent; Not knowing love was something hard,
Like stone against the wind, And life itself might be a prize The heart would leave behind. But now I know the depth of love, And it was worth the pain, Though not for love nor life would I Go through that hell again! May 01 yes i know am ranting againHere I am again, trapped inside these walls I built myself
to protect my heart and soul -love, hate, bullshit - wait -
oh God, there's so much more -school, work, some stupid jerk -
fuck it all -and the wall has a crack in it, a tiny little crack
I discovered the other night as I cried for him again,
AGAIN after all this time, tears falling on my kneecap
as I curled myself into a ball to try to repair that fucking wall -
but those tears were just another brick -thank you, pink floyd -
along with your hatred flamed because
I COULD NOT HELP YOU WITH YOUR PROBLEMS.
I'm not that good, you know -my heart is more like pissed on snow
than freshly-fallen, turned to slush by all my tears
over events of these past two years -love and security buried in the
ground, no more hugs when Dad's found a new thing to bitch at me about -
about being such a BAD of nature -I mourn the passing of old happiness,
the ripping out of my soul -but now am rejoicing coz i dnt av to worry anymore
because we are through. u pisses me off like mad. fuck u and y'all haters.
April 30 away from uThe more I am away from you, The more I want you here. The more I do without your love, The more I want you near.
I know that it makes little sense
We've gone through all the weather maps, April 29 maybe am in love againIt's amazing how I feel when I'm around you, How my heart pounds when you come into a room. I look at you and think: My God! How lovely! And everything I am bursts into bloom.
I feel as though you must, you must be mine,
As though I were about to enter heaven April 28 am not in love with you anymoreI love you, but I'm not in love with you. I want your friendship minus your desire. I would not lead you falsely or betray you. I feel the tenderness, but not the fire. I have no reason for my lack of yearning, No explanation for what I don't feel, No other love to whom I might be turning, No anguish to suggest this isn't real. Passion is a horse that knows no master, And I cannot make it stay even with fences, It must run free towards daylight or disaster, Awake to glory in no other way. So I must say what you don't want to hear, But it's a truth that both of us must bear. April 27 happy birthday to mei miss you on my birthday, not only for your smiles, but for the pieces of you that's not here, left within my care.
I'm in an empty hallway
How quickly we've turned distant!
How imprecise the instant April 26 help plzI love them both, can't have them both. It's tearing me apart! My former joy and present boy: Both have got my heart. I have to choose, so I must lose Why this must be I cannot see; I weep and wail to no avail; April 25 am i in love?How can I fall in love with only words? Words and pictures, grainy and compressed? A jaypeg love is truly for the birds. You'd have to wonder whether I'm repressed. But love it is, through all the bits and bytes, For someone who's like no one else I've met: Tender, charming, bright, king of my nights, All I've ever dreamed of, on the Net. And though he's living in a distant place, I love him as I've loved no one before. Will I ever get to touch his face, Hold him tight in my arms and, perhaps, more? Ay, me! No matter what, I'm still in love. Through modems must our e-mailed passions move! wot happened to us?
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